to elizabeth, arguing with her husband paul seemed to be the only way they communicated and she was tired of it.
they never agreed on anything and the house always seemed filled with tension when the two of them were together.
they’d even begun picking at one another when they were with family and friends…
her best friend even commented that she’d noticed the anger between the two of them and asked what was going on.
that was the problem…
elizabeth didn’t know what was going on.
she just knew that they didn’t get along like they used to and something had happened but she didn’t know what to make them constantly mad a each other.
that’s when she emailed us for a coaching conversation to help her get to the bottom of how to stop this arguing that was tearing her and her husband apart.
here’s some of what she realized during our conversation about how to stop arguing and how to start connecting more of the time…
1. be still and acknowledge what’s inside
when elizabeth quieted her mind and just became present, she noticed underneath her anger was a lot of grief that came up inside her.
as she allowed the grief to be there and didn’t force herself to figure out what it was about…
she felt some lightening and some peace.
so often we don’t allow ourselves to feel what’s truly there because we’re afraid of those feelings.
we’re afraid that we’ll lapse into depression and never come out of the really “bad” ones.
the truth is that if we don’t repress our feelings and if we don’t bypass them and cover them over with our thoughts…
they move right on out like clouds.
elizabeth saw that the feelings she’d covered over with her thoughts about how ron should act had come out as anger toward him.
she saw that the real issue for her was that she missed the connection she used to feel with him.
2. speak from the heart
when you speak from the truth of your heart instead of being defensive, there is no room for an argument.
elizabeth told ron about what she’d discovered–that she really missed connecting with him the way they used to be together.
ron seemed ready for an argument, saying something like this…
“well you certainly haven’t acted like it.”
instead of getting defensive, elizabeth told him she could see how he got that idea.
that stopped ron from continuing an argument that nobody wins because there was no one to argue with!
as elizabeth remembered that getting defensive never brought them the connection she wanted…
she was able to ask him if that’s what he wanted as well.
as surprised as he was by the change in elizabeth, he mumbled a quiet “yes.”
elizabeth and ron now have the opportunity to discover new ways to connect with each other.
how about you?
are you willing to lay down your defenses which haven’t brought you anything–even the “protection” you’ve thought they would?
if you’d like to have a conversation with one of us,
contact us here…